Pie Anyone?
by King of Darkness
Summary: Just a silly little one-shot about the wonders of pie and what it can do to people. No pairings, and rated T for a swear and some awkwardness with a towel.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own _Code Geass_. If I did, Lelouch would have at least been able to take Suzaku in a fair fight. I mean _come __on_, some of the things Suzaku did just aren't fair, even in anime. Can you say _Spinzaku_ kids? Anyway, tell me what you think and enjoy!

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><p>Pie Anyone?<p>

Lelouch Lamperouge, formerly li Britannia, couldn't be any happier than he was at that moment. It was a beautiful day at Ashford Academy, all of his classes had been cancelled because some big shot noble was coming to inspect the school, Nunally was off with friends having fun, Milly wasn't trying to torment him with Student Council business, C.C. wasn't stealing his money to buy pizza, even the Black Knights were doing well. They had raided four more refrain houses and humiliated his dear sister Cornelia and her platoon in less than a fortnight! Yes, for once, all was right with the world.

That should have been his first warning.

As Lelouch basked in the sun, rereading _The Art of War_ by Sun Tzu and planning another attack on a recently found refrain dealer's hideout, he felt something was…off.

He couldn't put his finger on it, but he felt like he should be afraid. It seemed a little silly in his opinion, but his gut had rarely been wrong before. He didn't want to ignore it, it might have been something important, but he didn't really have a choice in the matter. Not after that pie had hit him in the face.

Stunned, it took only a moment for Lelouch to be covered in flying pies as the delectable treat _literally_ fell from the sky. It only lasted a few seconds, but that was all it really took. By the end of it, Lelouch was covered from head to toe in pie.

Wiping off his face and flicking the gooey pie filling to the side, Lelouch was greeted to the sight of Milly, and the rest of the equestrian club, before him. All were on horseback, and all had a satchel and hands full of pie.

Lelouch just sighed, he could never have a _normal_ day could he?

"Milly," Lelouch started as he snapped his book shut, making a sickening squelch and pointing out that he would have to buy another copy. "Is there a reason you pelted me with pie?"

"Come now Lulu, does a girl really need a reason to throw pie at someone on such a glorious day as this?" she replied with a bright smile. Sometimes, he really didn't understand her.

Opening his mouth to answer, Lelouch was once again hit in the face with pie. This opened up the flood gates, as the rest of the equestrian team began to pelt him with pie, again.

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><p><em>90 minutes later...<em>

Lelouch stretched as he exited the shower. Cleaning up all of that pie had been really bothersome and he was glad to get away from Milly and her crazy games at least for a few minutes. The busty girl had stated that if she caught him wasting any more of the day she would hit him with peanut brittle! He definitely didn't want to experience _that_ thank you very much.

As he went to his room to dress, Lelouch lamented the loss of his book. It had been one of his favorite gifts, the _only_ thing he treasured about his time with Kaguya more than the joy she brought Nunnally. He was going to miss it dearly, but he felt he could move on.

Opening his door, Lelouch was greeted to quite the unusual sight.

In his room awaited several people he knew very well. From right to left there were Suzaku, Kallen, Shirley, Rivalz and even Nina. In the middle sat Nunnally, a bright smile on her face. Now, while strange, this wasn't totally uncommon. Since he lived at Ashford Academy it was actually pretty common for members of the student council to visit him. They didn't normally congregate in his room without his knowledge, but most of his important things were well hidden so it wasn't that much of an issue.

What was an issue was the fact that they were all holding pie.

"Surprise big brother!" Nunnally shouted as she hurled the pie into his face. He didn't know _how_ she did it considering how frail she was, but even Lelouch had to admit that it was a good throw.

Falling backwards, Lelouch slipped on his rather long towel, causing it to come unfurled and him to fall to the ground. Feeling a draft, Lelouch took a moment to realize that he was _naked_ in front of a group of girls and had the decency to blush and cover himself before the squealing, hitting and throwing of pies began.

Surprisingly, Suzaku and Kallen made a great tag team when it came to projectiles. He would have to remember that for the future.

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><p>For the next five hours, everywhere Lelouch went he was pelted with pie.<p>

Rivalz got him in the Student Council Room with blueberry. There was a joke in there _somewhere_...

Nina sniped him with a cherry pie in the science lab.

Shirley got the entire swimming team to _drown_ him with boysenberry in the pool.

Suzaku somehow _kicked_ a blackberry pie at him on the track, managing to nail him from thirty yards away.

Kallen tripped him, making him land face first into a cheese pie.

Sayoko somehow hit him with both a cream pie and a fish pie while being _across campus_ at the time. Damn ninjas…

Milly and the equestrian team did a ride by with custard and lemon meringue pie.

Nunnally even got him to pie _himself_! Granted he had eaten most of the banana cream pie before smashing it into his face. Don't judge him, he did start a war just to make her happy after all…

Over and over again he was pelted with pie after pie. He had tried to enjoy the day, he _really_ tried. He ignored everyone's attempt cover him in pastries and just tried to relax before his life got hectic again, but it was no use. They just kept coming. He couldn't take it anymore.

So, after a bit of planning and a lot of baking, Lelouch was ready. Calling for an urgent Student Council meeting, Lelouch relaxed at the head of the table and waited for his brilliant plan to unfold.

"And over here is the Student Council Room," Milly said to the noble guest as she and the rest of the members of the student council, minus Nunnally, gave them a tour of the school. "Actually, we have a meeting scheduled right now that was called by our esteemed Vice-President, so I'm afraid we will have to end the tour here for now."

"Really?" said the noble, her interest peaked by this Student Council business. If her sister was to be joining this school she would need to get a better look at how it was run. What better way than to sit in on a meeting of the movers and shakers of the school? "Do you perhaps think that I can sit in on this meeting?" she asked just a tad bit too sweetly. She could just order her way in, but she at least wanted to give off the impression that it was their idea.

"I think that's a great idea!" cheered Milly. Opening the door, the busty Student Council President moved out of the way to allow the woman entry. This proved to a bad (or good, depending on whose opinion you asked) move, seeing as large apple pies started to fly out of the door at high speed.

The noble, stunned at the thought of a flying pastry, wasn't quick enough to dodge the first pie, let alone the next thirty. For a full minute the woman was pelted with pie after pie after pie as Lelouch's grand plan backfired on him spectacularly.

Once the last pie was launched, Lelouch appeared in the doorway to bask in his victory. When he noticed that none of the people he had intended to get hit were covered in gooey pie filling, he stopped short. He knew he heard _someone_ getting hit with pie, so who was it?

Moving to the moaning mass of pie filling on the ground, Lelouch quickly began to shovel the pie off of the person, apologizing profusely during the process.

Removing a large glob from the person's face, Lelouch was greeted to a sight he dreaded almost as much as seeing his _father_.

"Cornelia…" he whispered nervously, his eyes widening in fear. What was his sister doing here?

The woman glared at him for a moment before her eyes also began to widen in surprise. She opened her mouth to speak only to have pie filling thrown in her face once again.

Lelouch stood and quickly tried to run, not wanting to get caught by Cornelia of all people. He didn't get far as her glove shot from under the pie filling and latched on to him. Dragging him to the ground, Lelouch was pulled into a fierce embrace as Cornelia li Britannia, The Witch of Britannia, cried tears of joy.

"Lelouch! I can't believe you're alive!" she sobbed. To anyone else this would be a happy day. A formerly thought dead prince was found to be alive. People everywhere would rejoice!

But for Lelouch, things couldn't possibly be worse.

"Big brother, what's with all of the noise?" asked a voice Lelouch knew all too well.

"Nunnally? You're alive too!"

Well _fuck_, things just got worse…

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><p>So, that was my first fanfic! Hope you all enjoyed it! Please leave a review, I always like reading feedback!<p> 


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